Many couples experience less sex after they have children. One of the latest Netflix shows, Sex/life, explores the life of a woman who had lost part of herself after getting married and having children and whose husband doesn’t seem to see her as a sexual being anymore.
Billie used to live a very active and sexually adventurous life. Now she can only fantasize about it. She also gets to think about her ex-boyfriend who seemed more open to her sexual needs than her husband.
Now, nobody would want a scenario like this in real life, feeling disconnected from your partner and like you’re only there to care for the house and children.
The good news is that most people won’t have to go the scandalous lengths that Billie had to go, and there are many small things you can try to keep the flame in the bedroom going even after ten years of marriage and having kids.
1. Open Communication Line Once more
It’s possible that your communication with your partner got cut off as you got more involved in adult responsibilities such as housework and kids. Communication in a relationship is hard, so it’s a normal thing to happen.
Billie and her husband, Billie, are clearly not on the exact same page regarding their sex lives. She’s unhappy and unsatisfied, while he’s absolutely content in the way things are and never thought there was an issue until he found her secret sex journal.
Maybe you’re ready to get dirty and do some work to get the flame back in the bedroom, but you’re not sure whether your partner is ready to do the same. Without communication, it’s hard to know whether your partner’s needs match yours.
It is important to get back into the routine of having sex after kids by opening up old communication lines. Please share your ideasYour partner should share your feelings, thoughts, needs, and concerns. Jumping straight into being sexually active doesn’t happen overnight, and taking steps that are not sexual can be way less intimidating than jumping straight into bed.
2. Take care of yourself first
It’s no secret that a lot of Women suffer from issues with body image after they’ve had kids. It’s a normal part of life, and people’s bodies change as they age and as they go through different stages of life.
You must feel comfortable having sex in order to be able to have it. Many men can easily find their libido, and feel the urge to have sex at will. Women tend to work differently. For women to desire to have sex, they need to feel beautiful and sexy. (1)
Start by giving yourself a little self-care. Although it might seem difficult to schedule spa trips or long baths with children, even just 20 minutes of reading a book can help you rekindle your love for yourself.
It is also an opportunity for one partner show they care by taking over the responsibilities and watching the children in the evening. This is another step in the direction of great sex, even after having kids.
3. Rekindle your relationship outside of the bedroom
If you’re experiencing issues outside the bedroom and are feeling frustrated with your partner about their job or how they didn’t clean the dishes when you asked them to, it might also be hard to get into the zone for some sensual and hot sex.
It’s possible to have wild sex after children.
You should not start thinking about your sexual experiences before you begin to look at the relationship. This can be done in many ways.
- You can reconnect by scheduling date nights.
- Go on walks together: it’s free, and you don’t need to dress fancy if you don’t want to. Also, exercise raises your happy hormones, so you’ll definitely have a pleasant time with your partner.
- It is simple, but crucial to a happy marriage. You can help your partner on a daily basis.
- Therapy: If you are feeling resentful or have deeper issues, therapy can be a great option to help you reconnect and find yourself again.
4. Create a bucket list of things you want to try when you’re having sex with women
When you’re ready to venture out to sexy things, you might want to try and start by making a bucket list for sexy things to try as a couple.
This is great for two reasons — first, it will make you feel as if you’re dating again when the affairs are still fresh and exciting. And second, it will help you connect with each other more, because you’ll be sharing something very intimate with each other.
Your partner might be more adventurous and daring than you, or vice versa. It shouldn’t matter when you’re making your sex bucket list.
You’re both ready to have sex after kids and being sucked into adult life; you’re both eager to explore and have fun. It doesn’t matter whether your partner is more or less experienced, and it doesn’t matter whether they’ve tried things on the bucket list that you haven’t.
Look at this bucket list as if you’re both opening a new leaf and learning to explore your sexuality together.
5. Go shopping together
When I say shopping together, I don’t mean shopping for groceries or the new fridge with a double freezer, but sex toy shopping or lingerie shopping.
These are the activities you used to enjoy before having kids or getting married. It’s going to make you feel as if you’re doing something naughty and not parent-like, which will add to the excitement.
You can also treat your partner with a new toy or a pair of lingerie. And it will also fuel the flame because you’ll know that there will be a sexy new toy waiting for both of you to try or a sexy set of lingerie that will be gracing your partner’s body.
It’s part of eroticism, and it’s a crucial element of a fulfilling sex life, especially when you’re struggling with leaving your responsibilities behind. Georgia Grace, a sex coach explains, “Eroticism makes sex meaningful. It isn’t necessarily sex. Rather, it is a process of imagination and expression that is a result of your unique human experience.”
Don’t neglect such a small effort to fuelling the fantasy as it’s going to go a long way to reclaiming your sex life after kids and will help you get back to similar excitement levels you had when you just started dating.
6. Porn Together, or Read Erotica
Porn watching reading erotica This is a great way for you to discover your partner’s tastes and get some ideas. While porn and erotica are there for entertainment purposes and shouldn’t be taken too seriously or as a learning manual, they can still be useful.
Maybe you’re not sure what you like, or maybe you’re too shy to articulate it to your partner if it’s something that’s considered taboo. Find a porn video or an erotica story that features the activities you’re interested in and show it to your partner.
Watch their reaction and maybe talk about it together as you both read/watch it. After that, you can let them understand that this is what you are interested in trying. It doesn’t matter if your partner is more introverted or shy. However, they may be more open to trying out something if they have seen or read about it.
Also, if you’re trying to have sex after kids but have a hard time getting into the mood, reading erotica and watching porn could serve as a form of foreplay.
7. Masturbate Together
Having sex after kids at home can be tricky because you might be worried that they’ll find you in a compromising position, and you’ll have to have the “bees and the birds” conversation.
You have to remember that sex can be a physical job.
If you are in either of these situations, mutual masturbation could be a good alternative. It is still considered sexual activity and will count towards intimacy between you, your partner.
Grab your favorite toys and maybe your hands. tantric masturbation techniques Have fun and slow breathe while you do it.
You might even incorporate some dirty talk while you’re at it, adding even more heat to this activity, and after you’re both satiated, you can lie in bed and giggle together while reminiscing about the sexy time you both enjoyed without actually having sex.
It could even take you back to your youth with boyfriends or girlfriends. You only used your hands which can add fuel to the excitement.
8. Hotel Sex
People love hotel sex. And one of the reasons why they do love it so much is because when they’re in the hotel, they don’t have to think about household issues and can detach from it all, even if for a night.
Ordering a hotel room might not be an extravagance you can afford every single week, but if you’re looking to get back to having sex after kids, an occasional escape might be the best thing to do.
The hotel room will allow you to be more relaxed and distant from household issues as well as the children, which will help you feel better.
You will also find hotels with sexy appeal. They have comfortable beds, great showers, and dark lounge bars that you can order drinks and chat with your partner. You can even play a sexy stranger game and incorporate some role-playing if that’s something on your sex bucket list.
There are many options. After trying at least one of these eight things, you’ll be back having sex after children with your partner like you just got married.
Karolina Wilde, a writer on sexual wellness, is her name. Her work has been published by The Ascent and P.S. She has published work on I Love You and Sexography to over 25,000+ people. You can find her reading, podcasting, and creating TikTok videos in her spare time.