There’s just something about restraint that’s so damn sexy. It’s a tantalizing proposition; being presented with pleasures right in front of your face, and then being told no. Having to hold back until you’re about to burst with desire, then being set loose.
Toy with restraint is the best way to play. Include handcuffs in your foreplay, lovemaking. You’ve very likely seen or heard of the concept before as a part of BDSM, and if you’ve been keen to get into that kind of thing, handcuffs or restraints are the perfect place to start. Although they may seem fairly obvious on the surface, there is a lot you need to know about handcuffs and restraints.
Establishing Trust & Boundaries
Of course, introducing an item that gives one partner power over the other presents an imbalance in the bedroom, so before even buying a pair of handcuffs for the bedroom, you’re going to need to have a discussion with your partner about it first. Talk about what you both want to get out of the experience, as well as who’s going to be the one wearing the cuffs (duh).
Communication and trust between romantic partners are vitally important, so you’re also going to cover topics like safe words and establish boundaries. A good boundary to establish is to prohibit drinking and drug use prior handcuffing. The combo of alcohol and a device that locks around a person’s wrist or ankle can be a pretty disastrous one, and you want to avoid an An embarrassing trip into the ER. You don’t want to become an urban legend, do you?
Choosing Your Cuffs
Like with any item you want to bring into the bedroom, you need to do the research to find just the right thing you’ll both enjoy. You and your partner should search together, looking at all the different handcuffs and restraints that are on offer in order to decide on the ones you’ll eventually buy. Searching together further ensures that you’re both on the same page as you embark on this new sexual adventure, and also serves as a build-up to the fun you’ll be having when the cuffs finally arrive.
Be aware that not all cuffs will be the same. Instead of starting with the chrome metal police-style handcuffs, start with something softer that doesn’t require a key to unlock. Consider these options: Enjoyment ties — essentially a length of strong fabric or leather with a ring on one end. It can be tied around the wrist to suit any size wrist, and can be removed easily. There are soft silicone cuffs. Handcuffs made of silk They are easier for beginners.
The reason we don’t suggest starting out with traditional handcuffs is that while you may want something that looks like the ‘real deal’, they’re made with anything but comfort in mind. Also, metal cuffs you’ll find on a lot of sex toy retailer websites are very cheaply made and may leave your wrists bruised, or even worse, lacerated. You might consider buying a pair of handcuffs made from chrome metal if you have had a few bad experiences with handcuffs.
Before you put on the cuffs, either you or your partner should clearly state the position you would like to be in while wearing them. It is best to start with your hands raised above your head on your back. To keep their hands from moving, place them on the headboard of your bed.
In this position, Add a blindfold You can further restrict their interaction, making them more dependent on you. When your partner is restrained, this is the perfect time to tantalize them — take it slow, and be a tiny bit withholding — and they’ll be fit to burst when they’re finally unleashed.
Colin Hanna is a Volonté contributor and freelance writer who lives in Shanghai, China with his wife. He’s written extensively about sex and human sexuality for LELO since 2010.