Everything You Need to Know About Caning

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We could ponder for hours about what moment in our lives inspired our fantasies about rods and canes. It could have been the time spent at a Catholic school where nuns taught us, or the fun we had playing with the mean, popular children. Whatever brought you to this moment, your interest in caning has weaseled its way out of the bag, and you’re ready to unleash those fantasies on the world.

everything you need to know about caning

For at least a decade, impact play has been a part of more experienced bedrooms. 2.500 yearsEtruscans were so fond of the kink that they created art to celebrate it. Our global passion for impact play is growing over the past few centuries. Many people have found their niche in canes and rods. 

What makes caning different than other forms impact play?

While many folks in the world of impact play love all kinds of rough touch, most kinksters have a preference for the kind of pain they receive – and it all boils down to the kind of tool their partners wield.

Generally, kink communities separate impact sensations into two different groups: “sting-y” pain, and “thuddy” pain. Paddles and other large tools can deliver a strong, thud-like feeling, but thin implements like whips, rods, and canes deliver the sharp, high-stinging sensation that many people love.

Although there’s a lot to the fantasy of a leather-clad dom whipping you, it is not easy to master whips for the first timers. You will need to practice and take your time to get the motion down. Easier to wield than a whip but just as effective in delivering that sharp sting, the cane is a fantastic choice that’s sure to please newbies and pros alike.

These handy little tools are very easy to bring into the bedroom. They are typically made of wood.

Usually made from woodYou can also choose from ones made of plastic or pleather, depending on your preference. And although they’re commonly just a single length of wood, you can also get adventurous and explore the sensation of a bundle of rods for a different flavor of pain that’s more dispersed across the body. You and your partners will discover the best method to practice what works for them. So be ready for some trial-and-error. 

But be cautious! As fun and straightforward as canes are, they’re prone to leaving welts. Before you play, talk to your partners about how they feel about any marks left behind. You might be nervous about the possibility of causing permanent welts. Rod bundle. The intensity of each cane is reduced, but the pleasure is still as intense.

Practice makes perfect, honey

Although caning seems like a straightforward activity – how hard could it be to hit something? – the reality is that there is a steep learning curve to getting into the caning zone. 

In a relaxed environment, where there is no shame, you can work slowly with your partners to improve your skills. There are many ways to improve your caning skills, including reading books and watching videos.

It is best to learn from the pros. If it’s financially viable, you can (and should) visit a professional dominatrix for a partnered sesh with your caning beau. This one-on-one attention can be both educational and titillating. You can easily search for local dominatrixes in your region using Google, Reddit or Twitter.

If the cost of hiring a professional is too high or you are just a bit nervous about the idea, you can always go to your local play party. Play parties and sex clubs can be compared to a huge buffet of kinks that is set up for your enjoyment. At every play party, you’ll find seasoned FetLife masters rubbing shoulders with first-timers – and the well-versed honeys will be happy to show you the ropes.

If you’re curious, ask someone heading up the impact play if you could watch, especially if your partner is the one being caned. Be aware of the pace as you watch. You’ll be surprised to realize it’s not all-in out the gate. There’s a dance, a build-up. You can see the caner tease their subject and build up to a powerful, sting-happy crescendo. 

Folks who run stations at play parties know what they’re doing. They are experienced in impact play and can teach you how to do prime caning. If they aren’t too busy, you can even take the time to ask them to show you how it’s done and offer tips on good caning techniques. You might be allowed to use the cane at a play party if your partner is bent over. If this happens, you may even be able to teach them how to bring those titillating skills into your bedroom after the party is over.

Learn more about your pain tolerance

Impact play is a rich world of sensations and delights, and now that you’re on the road to discovering where you fit into this vibrant community, you’re ready to explore what that pleasure looks like to you.

While you may be eager for the welts to disappear, it is best to take your time. It is important to understand your pain tolerance. This will help you determine where your limits are and where you feel the most joy. 

Our culture feeds us the lie that if we’re going to do something, we have to push it to the max. We all say “go big or go home” about basically everything, from whether to have another drink to asking for a raise. You need to let go of that “go big or go home” attitude when it comes time for sex. You can discover what type of impact play you prefer without worrying about how hard it is for you. Don’t worry about what other people have to say, and just explore your own sensations, free of any ideas about what your pleasure should look like.

Impact play can be enjoyed even if you don’t have a high tolerance for pain. You can still love impact play, but crank those dials up to 10. They’re both legit ways to get it on. Whatever tickles your fancy, remember that you’re the author and agent of your own sexuality. Even the most submissive person will ultimately steer their ship by choosing not to submit. So be proud of how you like it – no matter what that means.

As you explore, start with less painful spanks than you’d think you’d need, and ram it up slowly. If you’re the one doing the spanking, check in with your partner as you go harder and harder – and listen for their green, yellow, and red cues. Enjoy the slowness of discovery to make it all the sweeter.

Remember, consent is everything

Communication is the foundation of all good sex. Beyond orgasms, pleasure, or satisfaction, communication is the single most crucial aspect of every single person’s sex life. Even in vanilla relationships, communication is essential to establish boundaries and make sex enjoyable and fulfilling for all involved.

Communication becomes even more important when there are kinks in your bedroom routine. If you’re partnered, start by opening the door to talks about your caning fantasy by bringing the idea up in a way that gives them time to prepare for the big event. Don’t broach the topic while you’re straddling them in bed. Instead, bring up fantasies while you’re both lying there having a tender moment, or maybe talk it out over a cocktail if you’re feeling frisky. That space to process the fantasy without having to give an answer immediately helps you and your partner make sure you’re both truly open to inviting this new kink into the bedroom, keeping pressure off your partner to say yes just because you’re both already hot and heavy.

And even if you’ve been vanilla up until this moment in time, consent should still be a cornerstone of your sex life. The only time sex is consensual is when all involved parties have given both an explicit and an enthusiastic “yes.” The same sentiment goes for incorporating kinks. If you pressure, guilt trip, or heckle your partner into agreeing to caning, then they haven’t actually agreed. 

With each and every new height of your impact play together, check in and make sure they’re just as into it as you are. It doesn’t have to be awkward; in fact, talking in the bedroom is sexy – and there is truly nothing hotter than a partner who’s all about maximizing their lover’s desire. 

You can keep the sexy conversation going during impact play by establishing a safe word Before you start having some fun, If you’ve never had a safe word before, it might seem awkward, but once you both have words you’re comfortable using, you’ll find yourself less inhibited in the way you play.

While any safe word can work, the stoplight approach might be the best for you and your partner. Instead of one safe word to mean “full stop,” utilizing the stoplight approach lets you say a lot without disrupting your play time’s flow:

  • Green: If your partner says “green,” they’re letting you know they’re into it and can take even more heat.
  • Yellow: This middle ground phrase is a great way for your partner to let you know that they’re close to their threshold, but don’t want you to stop just yet. When you hear this word, you can ease up a tad, and even ask how they’re feeling, but don’t need to stop the whole scene and descend into caretaker mode.
  • Red: The whole scene is stopped the moment this word is said in the bedroom. Unlike yellow, it doesn’t mean to go down to a gentler level; the scene pauses and you check in with your partner, giving them whatever it is they need. It could be ice, a hug, or just a moment of relief. 

Having three levels to communicate is a powerful way to help the bottom guide the partner who’s doling out the caning. By letting each other know what works and what doesn’t, you’re both ensuring this kind of play stays in your bedroom for the long haul.

Safety 101

With safe words and consent in hand, you’re nearly ready to incorporate caning in the sack – but there’s one more vital thing to keep in mind. Caning doesn’t mean you’re free to thwack away on all parts of your partner’s body. 

You should avoid certain areas in the world kink. Since most caning happens on the booty, thighs, and upper back, it’s important to know that it’s never alright to hit the lower or mid back. The center of your back houses vital organs that can’t take that level of pain, like your kidneys. Badly placed canings can lead to serious bodily injury. 

If you’re unsure about the place you’re hitting, be safe. For safety reasons, stick to your booty and thighs. You can also research FetLife and other kink sites to find out more.

What’re you waiting for?

Honey, let your hair down. There’s no shame in the caning game. If you’ve ever been curious, today’s the day you set those fantasies loose. You can take your time, have a flirty conversation with your partner(s), or just open up to the possibility of more communication. 

 If you’re seasoned in the world of canes and rods, let us know your number one tip for newbies just now getting their sea legs!




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