How To Have it with a Sex Toy

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sila mindful sex casey tanner

What is the connection between mindfulness and our sex lives in general?

Many of us were taught not to pay attention to sexuality. Maybe our parents did not allow us to have sex conversations with them, or we had an awkward experience in sex education class. Many of us were taught to refer the to our genitals in a different way than their correct anatomical names. Overall, sexuality is a topic that culture avoids a lot.

Mindfulness is the opposite to avoidance. Mindfulness gives us the freedom to connect with our sexuality and to become curious about our bodies. It also allows us to experience pleasure.

How can mindfulness improve the quality and enjoyment of sex?

A high frequency of orgasms can be correlated with an erotic focused. This means that people who are able maintain their focus on their bodies and pleasure during sex rather than worrying about the future will have more fun and more orgasms. People who complain that sex is difficult are most often plagued by anxiety. Anxiety reduces blood flow to the female genitals, making it more difficult for orgasm. It has been proven that mindfulness can reduce anxiety, both in the moment and over time.

Are mindfulness and getting out of your head while sex the same thing? Or two different skills?

Often people associate mindfulness with having a mind that’s totally blank, or with being totally out of your head. You can still be mindful while being present to your thoughts and feelings. It’s less about getting out of your head, and more about being intentional about thoughts and sensations you choose to focus on. It’s not about being thoughtless, but rather about being present with the thoughts you’re having.  

One way to be mindful is to replace performance-oriented thoughts by pleasure-oriented ones. For example, rather than zeroing in on the thought that you’re worried you’re not going to orgasm, try focusing on the thought that whether or not you orgasm you can still enjoy sex. Fantasy is an excellent example of how to be in your head and still be mindful. You can still live a present, mindful sex lifestyle by focusing on your erotic fantasies.

How can you find the time to have slower sex?

We often think about sex as the last thing on our to do list – the activity that might happen if we have enough time and energy at the end of the day. I recommend, however, reprioritizing sex the same way you’d prioritize an important appointment or friend hang. Don’t be afraid to block off time in the calendar. 

How can SILA help slow sex?

We’re often so goal and orgasm-oriented in our sex lives that we forget to enjoy the journey, or to notice the way our body reacts as it moves through the different stages of pleasure. Most vibrators speed up the process. SILA’s vibrator has a wide, soft mouth and does not touch the clitoris. SILA also uses sound waves to massage your clitoris from many angles. This allows you to have more control over your orgasm and prevents overstimulation and discomfort. SILA is the perfect toy for anyone who can’t wait to get on a vibrator.  

Is SILA possible to be included in foreplay

SILA can be used in warm ups. SILA is gentler and more effective than a vibrator. It can be used to increase blood flow and lubrication as well as to prepare the body for penetration. SILA can be used in conjunction with penetrative sex for more clitoral stimulation.

How to make sex more enjoyable?

The five senses are the main way we experience sex. I love to ground myself with each one of them. Think about what you’re seeing, what you’re hearing, what your skin is feeling, the smells, and the tastes. Some of what you notice might be sexual – the smell of a lubricant, the taste of your partner’s skin, the feel of their body on yours. Some things you notice might not be sexual. You might hear your dog next door, or the sound of the air conditioning. After becoming aware of all five of your senses, you can decide which one you focus on. You can improve your sexual focus by shifting your attention towards the sexual sensations.

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