Gary Chapman was the author of his book. The Five Love Languages over 30 years ago, he probably didn’t think it would become an essential part of every couple’s life.
Truly, learning your and your partner’s love languages is the best way to find common ground and communicate your needs within the relationship.
Gary Chapman identified five main love languages.
- Affirmation words
- Acts in service
- Quality time
- Physical touch
- Giving gifts
Your relationship, communication and sex life can be affected by your love language. While sex doesn’t inherently count as a love language, despite some people believing it should, it plays a very important role in each person’s life.
So, if you’re interested in finding out how you can pleasure your partner based on their love language, read on.
Affirmations in Words
People who have word of affirmation language enjoy verbal expressions that show love and affection. They might want to always hear you say “I love you,” compliments, as well as getting verbal encouragement in all areas of their life.
Suppose your partner’s language is words of affirmation. In that case, the best way to spice up your sex life and please them is to use your words in bed, from communicating your needs clearly, and asking them what they want from you to always making sure that you’re complimenting them during sex and letting them know how amazing they are.
People whose love language is words of affirmations might also appreciate some dirty talk in bed, so if you haven’t tried it already, give it a go. It’s a great way to spice things up.
If you’re unsure where to start, here are some safe starting phrases for reference:
- “You’re so delicious. I can’t get enough of the taste of your cock/pussy.”
- “Did I tell you how hot you look between my legs, lying just like that?”
- “Nothing feels as good as feeling you inside of me/feeling your cock fill me up.”
Don’t be afraid to use words in the bedroom. You will find your partner will appreciate it.
Acts of Service
If your partner’s love language is acts of service, they love it when you go the extra mile to make their life easier or nicer. This could include anything from grocery shopping to making coffee each morning. Even the smallest details are important.
It is possible to show your partner how much you love them by making it a priority to their sexual pleasure, rather than your own.
Although sex is all about having fun, it’s also about enjoying the pleasure of both the partners. Sometimes you may want to surprise your loved ones with spontaneous oral sex during the day when they least expect it. You could also spend one night catering to their pleasure in a submissive or dominant roleplay.
Many people enjoy BDSM play. This is because you can relax and fully enjoy sex when you give your partner the reins.
If your partner likes to experiment in bed, this may be the best way for you to show your love. Make sure you communicate with your partner beforehand what activities are comfortable.
People whose love language is the quality time value their partner’s undivided attention and time spent with them the most. They might prefer to spend time with you when you’re not on your phone, or computer and they have your full attention without you being distracted.
If this is your partner’s preferred language, then you can simply incorporate some quality time before having sex. For example, if both of you have busy schedules and don’t have much time to be fully present together, schedule a date night.
Make it special by taking a few hours away from your life responsibilities and take your significant other on a walk, or dinner, or even a movie (once it’s safe, of course), where you spend time together without thinking about taking out the dog or having to run for milk to the grocery store.
Turn off your phone, or at least notifications, and immerse yourself in your partner, attentively listening to what they’re saying and sharing your own feelings and emotions.
After some quality time before moving onto the bedroom, your partner will be so much more interested in having sex, but don’t stop just there. You can do things together that will build intimacy and quality time, even during sex.
You might consider trying longer foreplay to really get to know your partner and their bodies. Perhaps you are interested in tantric sex? Slow sex, where you focus on the present and all the different sensations you’re experiencing.
People with physical touch love language prefer to show and receive affection in the form of, you guessed it — physical touch. It could manifest in acts like holding hands, kissing and cuddling with the partner, or simply being close by them when they are together.
If your partner speaks this love language, sex may be their preferred means of receiving affection. This is where paying attention to the different sexual activities that you can do in your bedroom can be a great way of showing your affection.
Consider other positions or ways to have sex that they may like. hotel sex, Bring all options to the table so you can explore what interests you both.
New experiences are not all, though — people with physical touch language love to touch their partner, so it’s important to incorporate as much of that during sex as possible.
You can show your love in the most romantic way possible by making a fuss, making long foreplays and having make-out sessions.
This love language is the most used way to express love. Gifts are an acceptable way to surprise someone or celebrate an occasion.
This language loves it when you gift gifts to show your love. And no, the value of the gift doesn’t matter — it’s the sentiment and the thought of it that counts.
If this is your partner’s love language, you could spice up your sex life by giving them gifts that would make their sex life better or would bring them immense pleasure.
These are some of the most sexy gift options:
- Sex toys They might like it.
- Sexy lingerie that they wouldn’t buy on a regular basis.
- Use massage oils, flavored oil lubes and other products during sex.
- If your partner is a lover of reading, you can get erotic books.
- Tickets to a sex-related show, such as a burlesque or sex workshop. You can also attend the event together.
You can surprise your partner by surprising them with something unique every week, or every month.
Once again, the price of the gift doesn’t matter much to people with this love language. It’s the thought that you took the time out of your day to pick them a gift to show your love is what matters.
There are many ways you can spice up your gift-giving experience and make it exciting for your partner. Who wouldn’t be excited to receive a small sexy gift every month from their partner?
It’s a surefire way to ensure that passion in the bedroom never dies.
Also, show your love outside the bedroom
Knowing your partner’s and your love languages can have great benefits for your relationship and sex life. However, it’s important to note that only sexual acts of love won’t satisfy your partner completely.
You might think that if your partner’s love language is physical touch, you can show love by giving them oral sex or always offering sexual activities as a way to strengthen your bond.
While sex is important in every relationship, alone, it’s not enough to express your love and satisfy your partner’s love language needs. A happy relationship is best when there are both sexual and nonsexual activities.
Karolina Wilde, a writer on sexual wellness, is her name. Her work has been published by The Ascent and P.S. Her work has been published on The Ascent, P.S. She can be found podcasting, reading or creating TikTok videos during her free time.