You might be wrong to think that sex only once a week, month, or even year is enough. Forget treating the Big O like a rare occasion that calls for taking out your grandma’s china. Sex is something that should be on your menu as often as you dang well please – and if you’re holding back because you’ve been told sex should only be for special occasions, I’ve got news for you.
It’s a new decade, baby – and it’s time you took on more gratifying habits. But feeling resistance or shame around the thought of having sex multiple times a week (or hey, every day) isn’t your fault. For as long as contemporary pop culture has reigned supreme, there’s one major problem that has snuck into every corner of our media: shame.
Sex is often treated as a random event that happens, or something that happens by accident, in movies, TV, books, music and other media. It is rare for characters to have any agency when it happens. If they do, it usually leads to them being frustrated. There’s no forward planning involved, no healthy appetite for frequent experimentation. If television has taught us anything about sex, it’s that if you’re about to get it, you’d better already be starving.
But do you know what? Pop culture isn’t always right. If you ask me, we’re better off without that toxic sludge the media has spoon-fed us. Sex isn’t better when it’s rare; the real treat unfolds when we celebrate our bodily autonomy and indulge in all those lush folds of pleasure whenever the mood strikes, free of limits and shame.
It’s not just my own opinion I’m going off of here. There are a million reasons why you should be getting it on more frequently than – and the best reason of all just so happens to be the simplest, too:
It should be fun to have sex
Consider the last time your partner and you went for a hot minute together without getting dirty. Did you both feel excited to explore the world when it finally arrived? Did you explore new things or just keep your old vibrator? Most likely not. Most likely, you approached it with an urgency and omitted all the fluff that makes each encounter so unique.
While it’s great to sing at the moon and have sex with another person, it should not be all that exciting. When you’re only having sex once or twice a month, by the time you actually get around to stripping down, you may be so thirsty for it that you’re grateful for whatever unfolds, without taking time to curate the event.
Although being friendly and easy-going can be a great trait, it may prevent some people from advocating for their fantasies. Whether that’s a complex roleplay scenario or just a certain way we like to have our bodies touched, we all have some kink that titillates us the most. But when sex is a one-off event, we may be so preoccupied with getting it on in the first place that we don’t allow ourselves the space to indulge a curiosity or loosen up.
Here’s the thing. It’s more than having a few orgasms; it’s about engaging in play that stimulates all the nerves in harmony. And the way to find that pleasure isn’t by treating sex like some celestial event; it’s through letting ourselves really and truly play. Regular sex allows you to experiment and find what feels right for you, your partner and yourself. What works for you one month may not do it the next – and that’s okay, because when you have sex often, you’ll also learn another vital truth: sex should be silly.
Yes, silly. When you have it infrequently, it’s easy to treat it as so serious that a Queef This could cause everything to go wrong and make you hyper-focused on being sexy. With such rigidity, you lose the space to laugh and play, to explore each other’s bodies and the depths of companionship with a lover. Even when your partners are casual, what’s the point of getting it on if you’re not having fun?
You may not be bold enough to whip out the paddle or crack a joke if you’re only hoping to just get an orgasm out of the whole deal. If you’re only unwinding once in a blue moon, toys and costumes may gather dust. Plus, if you don’t use a paddle for a long time, you may start feeling a little rusty – which is another reason we should all be getting it on a little more often…
Sex is a skill
Just like anything else you do on the regular – yoga, sewing, cooking, playing guitar – sex is a skill. Everyone starts out as shoddy lovers. It’s funny how things can change if you let go of the idea that sex is a fixed thing. New information emerges suddenly. Our sex skills are far from perfect, but we can make a huge difference if you just put your mind to it.
When you’re not getting it on that often, you don’t have the time to try out new skills and pleasure your partner (or hey, yourself) in rich and satiating ways. You may end up rehashing the same old techniques, which can lead to a porn-like version of Groundhog Day. You can still have fun with sex if you do it often.
Practice and playfulness are key to our success. Master status is not possible without putting in 10,000 hours of practice. You may find yourself drawn to reading articles or watching videos on how to have better sex. We all have it in us to become mind-blowing lovers – all it takes is a little honing of our technique. You might also notice improvements in other areas of your life as you get better at sleeping.
Frequent sex can teach you a lot about your self
Sex is more than just getting to try the weird stuff – although that’s always a treat. If you have sex a lot, you will become more familiar with what is working for you. The tongue techniques, the sway of the hips, or what someone does with their fingers; you’re suddenly familiar with all of it, making you a rounded sexual being capable of vocalizing your desires. If you only have sex with your partner once a week or less, it’s easy to lose your footing and not know how to advocate for what gets you off most.
Sex is good for your health
There are so many reasons why sex is a wonderful boon to your health that I can’t even list them all. You could devote several thousand words to this subject by yourself. But I’ll keep it brief. Sex can be a wonderful way to keep your body and mind healthy. One of my favourite ways that hanky-panky can help us stay perky is through the following:
- Orgasms have been shown to reduce recurring headaches. One study has shown that they can help with headaches. Reduce migraine symptoms Cluster headaches up to 37% and sixty percent respectively
- The latest in sex news serotonin You will feel more well-being in your body. You’ll not only feel more content in the hours afterward; you’ll also sleep like a dream, to boot. Still not convinced? You can ask the 32% of women Who masturbating to fall asleep.
- Serotonin isn’t the only player on the field making your orgasms feel oh, so nourishing. You will feel calmer and more relaxed than the other chemicals. It can improve the quality of your sleep. digestion, Lower blood pressureIt reduces stress. Flooding your bod after a good sesh (solo or partnered), oxytocin is known as the “love’ hormone for a reason. Recent research According to The American Psychological Association, a high dose of oxytocin can make you more open-minded, compassionate, and trusting. Regular sex can make you a better neighbor. Sign me up
- Your immune system is boosted by sexual activity. When you get it on, you’re upping your body’s immunoglobulin A content (an antibody that’s dope at helping you stave off colds and cases of flu) by 30%. We should all do our best to feel the best in this time of history, when immunity is everything.
- Get it on the can Your period should be controlled, and the contractions from orgasms can help combat cramps – ‘nuff said.
- Omega 3s aren’t the only thing on the scene designed to help feed your brain. Orgasms are good Increase blood flow to your brain, giving it much-needed nutrients and oxygen, keeping you perky and alert for the next trivia night – or just another round in the sack.
- Harvard published a 2019 Australian study that found men who ejaculate between 4.6 and 7 times per week. It is 36% less likely Prostate cancer can be more common in those who ejaculate less than two times per week.
Getting frisky prevents cancer, keeps us happy, ups our immune system, and lowers our stress – just to name a few. It’s enough to make you wonder why we’re all not having sex every single day.
Good sex doesn’t have to be partnered
If you’re reading all this and feeling bummed that you don’t have a partner to reap these benefits with, cheer up. All these reasons to have more sex apply regardless of if you’re getting it on with your spouse, at an orgy, or with you and you alone.
Solo sex, like all other sex, has a million benefits – and if you’re doing it right, it can even improve your partnered love life. You can have some fun and discover the pleasure of your own pleasure when you are all alone. While we’ve all been raised in a society that shames us for being complete, sexual beings, there is nothing wrong with seeking pleasure from your own means – even when you’re having sex with your spouse later that day.
The problem is, we’re taught that jealousy is a healthy manifestation of love, and our partner may feel like we’re choosing another means of pleasure without them present. Truth is, however, much more juicier. There is more to it than meets the eye. fascinating 2019 Study From The Journal of Sexual Medicine This reveals that women who masturbate frequently are more sexually active with their partner – and the partnered sex they have features frequent and more intense orgasms than their non-masturbating peers enjoy.
Translation: If we take the time necessary to find out what we desire, we can bring our discoveries into the bedroom and let our partner know how we feel.
Plus, if you and your partner have mismatched libidos, masturbating can help both parties feel satisfied while keeping the relationship humming along smoothly – as long as communication is a regular part of the deal. Even if you don’t have a honey lined up, give yourself that post-orgasm glow, and get to know your body; whenever you’re ready to start playing with a new partner, you’ll have a world of knowledge to deliver.
Shame is so last ten years
Let me say it again a little louder for the people in the back: sex doesn’t have to be a one-off treat to be nourishing. We’ve all been taught to feel negatively about our bodies, but it’s time for us to embrace everything we have, and to let ourselves indulge in a good time.
The verdict is in: Sex is plentiful in multitudes. And the more you do it, the better it makes you feel and the more you learn about yourself. Are you able to do it often? Let me know what it does for you and how it enhances your day!
Nikita, a PDX-based writer, applies a queer and sex-positive lens on everything she touches, including articles about foot fetishes and new song lyrics. She can be found writing her novel, creating music, being involved in community theater or just generally being a complete ham when she is not sex-writing.