Hi everyone, it’s Dr. Zhana! It’s time to answer your questions about sexual orientation and LGBTQ-related topics for Pride Month. I got some really good questions and I’m really excited to answer them.
Q: What is the difference between gender and sex?
All right, let’s start with the basics. Gender refers to our psychological experiences and our identity. Sex is about our biology and anatomy. They can both be non-binary or either/or. Gender identity can range from cis woman to cis man, trans woman, trans man, other transmasculine/transfeminine, gender non-binaryGenderfluid, agender, and so forth. There are many different options for gender identity.
The biology of biological sex is complex as well. It’s determined by a mix of chromosomes, hormones, external genitals and internal gonads. In most people, all of these line up and you get either a male or female body, but in about 1% of the population, one or more of these factors don’t line up so you get what’s called “differences in sex development”, or what’s more commonly known as intersex folks.
Q: What is the best way to eat a girl?
The reality is there’s no one right way to go down on people. Different people love different things, especially those with different personalities. Vulva There are so many options. To find out what works best for you and your partner, it is essential to Talk to them, try out different things, pay attention to their body’s reactions and see what they like.
Q: How do you teach your partner about sex with women if she’s only been with men before?
Talk to them. Learning is best when you share your experiences with someone else.
Q: Is it possible to have sex in public with my straight crush? (We’re both male.)
It all depends on how straight your friend is. Research has shown that between 10% and 30% percent of straight men in the younger generation have some same-sex sexual attraction, fantasy or openness to anything happening with them. Do you think he is interested in you? Could he have some flexibility and be directed towards you?
Also, sometimes folks (of any gender and sexual orientation) end up falling in love or developing deep intimacy with people of the gender they are not typically attracted to, and that love or intimacy can motivate them to become sexually involved with that person, despite them being “the wrong gender.”
However, it’s possible that your straight crush will never be a lover. This is why you need to be careful about putting too much emphasis on making that happen. You don’t want to cross any consent boundaries or potentially push a friend away by insisting on something he’s not interested in.
Q: What can you tell us about demisexuality.
Demisexuality It is available on the The asexual spectrum It refers to the feeling of being attracted to someone sexually only if you feel a strong emotional attachment. Non-demisexuals often have the experience of meeting someone or even just seeing someone and immediately being like “oh my god, you’re hot, I wanna have sex with you”, whereas for demisexuals, that kind of sexual desire only happens in the context of deep emotional connection.
Demi is Latin for “half,” so it’s meant to invoke the idea of half-sexual, half-asexual. However, demisexuality can be seen as a spectrum. People have different needs for emotional connection in order to feel sexual attraction.
Q: Could you please give me some tips on how to have sex with an asexual partner.
One thing that unites asexuals is their lack of sexual desire for other people or sexual attraction. There’s quite a bit of variability in how open or willing they are to have sex with a partner for reasons other than attraction or desire, like for example, feeling close to or pleasing their partner. Sex is not something that many asexuals would consider having. Others enjoy it and are willing to have some. You need to talk with your partner and find what works for you. You have to consider your sexual preferences and find a way to overlap what you want. Many asexuals are open to having an affair. Open relationship So that their partners can meet their sexual needs elsewhere.
Q: Can I have bottom surgery with no need to close the vaginal channel?
This question concerns gender-affirming surgeries for those who were born as female. There are actually a number of different “bottom” procedures that can happen as part of that process. Most people focus on the procedure that creates a penis. There are many ways to do this. Some require that you close the vaginal channel, while others do not. It really depends on which route you’re interested in.
Q: How do I deal with the anxiety that comes with telling someone that I’ve never been with a woman before them? (I’m a girl.)
Although first experiences of any kind can be stressful, it is a fact that not everyone is born with the ability to do anything. It has to be your first time at some point, so it’s okay! You can let your partner know what you think and then see how they react. You will be able to tell if they are open to having sex with you by their reactions. Your experience will likely be healthier emotionally and more pleasurable if you’re able to have accepting conversations about vulnerable topics.
Q: What’s the biggest myth about sex toys among LGBTQ+ people?
There are many myths surrounding sex toys, and many myths regarding LGBTQ people. I’m not sure how many myths are about the two together. One myth that springs to mind is that two people with identical vaginas must have sex together. strap-on dildo, because there’s no other way to have sex besides penetration with a penis or something resembling it, right?
Just to make sure we’re clear, I’m being sarcastic. There are many other ways to have sex. Vagina-owners often need or strongly prefer external stimulation for maximum pleasure. Most of the sex between vaginal owners does not involve strap on dildos.
Q: How can someone who is gay be respectful of the LGBTQ+ community?
Here are some suggestions.
- Don’t automatically assume people are straight and cisgender.
- Use gender-neutral words (e.g. they, them, folks, partners) for groups and people and their partners whose gender and orientation you don’t know.
- Listen to LGBTQ people.
- Advocate for LGBTQ-friendly laws and policies, and combat institutional discrimination wherever you can.
- Donate to LGBTQ-related organizations
- When you hear/see antiLGBTQ comments/behaviors, speak up and intervene.
- You can work on overcoming your anti-LGBTQ biases and prejudices, and understand your hetero and cisgender privileges.
- Keep educating yourself on Historical and current developments Language and issues related to LGBTQ people.
- Be sensitive about how much work you’re asking your LGBTQ friends to do for your education and enlightenment.
- You can apologize for your mistakes (you will probably make them at some point) but you must learn from them and try to do better the next time.
Zhana Vargalova, PhD is a NYC-based sex researcher. She studies casual, nonmonogamy, sexual orientation, and other forms of sex. She has a PhD in Developmental Psychology, Cornell University. She also teaches Human Sexuality on New York University. She currently writes a book and provides daily sex education via Periscope live streaming.
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